I remember when Steve and I were engaged a friend asked me why I was marrying Steve. I said because I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. Both these were true but I don't think I really understood what love was then. When I thought of love, I thought of something that made me feel nice and warm inside.
Over the last 17 years the emotion that I felt when I thought of Steve was what I thought love was. In reality, the feeling I got was some sought of emotion rather than love.
I think many people don't understand really what love is. When you watch movies you get the impression that love is some extra special spark that happens inside when you meet Mr./Mrs. right. The person you have been destined to be with from the very beginning.
Right from the start I had an attraction to Steve and I am pretty sure he had that to me too (since he asked me to be his wife). Over the years of our marriage though, that attraction that I felt has faded even though I am more in love with Steve today than I was when we first meet.
Marriage has changed both of us and the children have too but the most important lesson I have learnt is never will another human make you complete, be it a spouse or children.
I am sharing all this because I have been reading a lot in the news about allowing same sex marriage. Some people do have same sex attraction just like I had the attraction to Steve in the beginning. From experience that initial attraction doesn't last. I know that statistics show people with same sex attraction are much more likely to have more than one partner. I think that many of them believe that the person they are attracted to will make their life perfect. When this doesn't happen, the blame the other person rather than think their expectation is too much.
I also am aware of many people pushing for same sex couple to be allowed to adopt children.
I think if we as a society accept same sex couples in the same way we accept a husband and wife, we really do them a great diservice and any children they adopt too.
Recently Secular Heretic did a post about a book written by a women that was raised by a homosexual father. Reading about the affect of being raised in this kind of environment makes me believe even more strongly that children should not be raised in this kind of home. Read about Dawn Stefansowicz here.
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13 comments:
This is an excellent post- honest, frank and true. Thank you
i've been with frank for a very long time. 11 years. not once has my attraction to him faded. as a matter of fact, the longer we are married, the more iam attracted to him. it deepens for me over time. i think he is as hot as the day we met 11 years ago. it hasn't changed, and nor will it. he feels the exact same way i do. yes, our love has definitely deepened over the years, its far more deeper than it was the day we got married. the longer we are together, the deeper it gets. we are inseparable. does he make me feel all warm and fuzzy? of course he does! everytime he smiles, or looks at me:) *shucks* :) i have been very very blessed to have him in my life, and that will never change for me:) never:) i have to agree that with homosexual "couples" that raising children in that environment is not healthy for the child/ren. children need to be raised in a loving two parent heterosexual household. God Himself says that homosexuality is an abomination, and it is. Children need to be raised with God in the marriage, and God in the household, and God in their lives. i think you and steve are fabulous parents, and a fabulous example of a loving Christian couple who do right by their children!
I couldn't agree more. Excellent post.
Completely agree with you!
I understand and echo your sentiments on marriage. I believe that love is an action, not so much a feeling. It is the ability to bring/seek out the best in another person and lift them up. It is a very selfless action. In order to love someone, one must sacrifice their own selfish desires and wants. Society prefers to view it as a feeling. It's more palatable that way. Sells more movies and such. Thanks for this post.
The way your describing your feelings for your husband is so much how I feel about mine... it is always growing, always changing, the way I felt 16 yrs ago is not the same way now.. now it is better, stronger, he is not only my husband but my very best friend:)
Excellent post, Therese.
Agreed Therese but this argument won't hold too much water with homosexual marriage activists. As we know, many heterosexuals get married for wrong reasons of "initial attraction" too... the marriage goes down in flames. Homosexual couples are capable of a deep and even selfless love of their partner.
It is hard to find a universal and compelling argument against homosexual marriage outside of "God talk." But it IS possible... the NC Register published a fantastic article last year on the topic... using completely secular reasons why homosexual "marriage" isn't healthy for society. Wish I could remember what it was called...
This is good Therese!!!Sometimes, the truth hurts. But the bottom line is Truth is Truth. Period!
Excellent post!!
Going on 25 years of marriage I can agree that my feelings for my husband are stronger than they were when we first married. After 3 kids, the honeymoon is definately over but love is bringing your spouse a cup of coffee, making his or her favorite meal/dessert, holding hands, walking in silence, among other things, all just because.
The progression of love for Ted and I is very similar to you and Steve. The initial chemistry is designed by God to bring two people together, and love is the developement of their relationship after that. And I agree that another person cannot make you complete, which is the trap that many couples fall into. Only God completes us; we are His creatures.
http://catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0064.html
this might be the article you're thinking of, Ellie.
although it's published on a Ctholic website, it's a secular article.
Great post Aussie Therese!
I agree Shirley, how only God completes us.
So many think a husband or wife will be who completes them.
Only Adam & Eve lived in perfect harmony with each other, until they sinned.
So because we all have original sin, there is no such thing as living in perfect harmony with another person.
I think people think they have found their 'soul mate', until they see little things that annoy them...this is all because none of us are perfect.
Marilena, you sound very blessed to still have that *shucks* feeling about your husband.
Although I too have a wonderful marriage & husband.
However it sometimes can be hard work, which shows how selfless you have to be to 'love'.
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