Sunday, October 28, 2007

Wanting other people's approval.

I have come to realize that I want to have people's approval when I make decisions about my life and the way I live it.

I especially want the approval of my parents and siblings. When ever they don't approve or tell me to do something contrary to what I want to do I get frightened to do it.

I know that God has called me to do what he wants and to seek approval with him rather than others, but when I make a decision about our children that the family isn't going to approve of I get all twisted up in knots and frightened of telling them.

Have any others felt this way? Have you been able to overcome wanting people's approval? What have you done to overcome this?


Michele said...

iam not immune to wanting approval either. i think its human nature for mankind to want to please people, and enjoy it when we know we are pleasing them, but in the tight way. iam not offended when a family member has advice for me so long as it is the correct advice and not contrary to the church or God's laws. that comes first and foremost with me, God, and the Chruch. fortunately, not one member of my family gives me advice that is contrary to God's laws or the church. they'd never do that. they may make suggestions, but it is up to me to deem whether i will accept their advice or not. if it is good, i usually do. if your family disapproves of something, but to you it is the right thing to do, and you know it is right then you must listen to yourself before others. you don't need to worry about wanting approval. if it bothers you alot, then seek advice of your husband and your pastor. that is always the best thing to do. God always comes first. always.
live according to His laws and follow after Christ, and remember, that wanting to please people is not in itself a bad thing so long as you do what is right.

EC Gefroh said...

I think we all need approval of those we love. But those same people should respect our decisions no matter what they may be.

Michelle said...

Therese, often times I desire my parents approval but I desire to do God's will more.

If my husband and I feel at peace about a decision, then I know it's from God.

I don't like confrontation. It makes me uncomfortable but at the same time I will stand up for myself and tell family/friends it's my decision to adoption or homeschooling. I explain to them that everyone has a path to follow and they're all different.

Pray! Spend time in Adoration. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with the words you need to say. Ask God to give you the courage to say those words and then do it. :)

H F J said...

Praying for your twisted knots... Even though we are grown and have our own children, it is hard to break those connections we grew up with. Even with all I've been through, I find myself hiding things from my parents, especially my dad, if I know he will not approve.

Therese said...

Thanks for all your advise.

I know that I have to follow God's plan rather than man's plan and this is going to cause comments and other people's disaproval. I do need to pray more Michelle in front of the blessed sacrament so I am going to make a regular time to pray at church. Our priest recently decided to make fridays a day of pray in the parish and is looking for people to come in for one hour. I will look into doing this at some stage.

Michele said...

my bad! i wrote "but in the tight way." i meant to say, in the RIGHT way! duh marilena duh!

Therese said...

lol. I thought so.

I do typo's all the time.

Maryellen said...

I've been a People Pleaser my whole life. Have I been able to overcome it? Well, not really, tho' I've come to the point that primarily I want to be a God Pleaser.

I've tried different things to overcome it - like pretending I don't really care. But mostly talking to God about it helps the most, and deciding that He is the only one I need to please.

Prayer before the Tabernacle and especially an Adoration Hour has been very helpful.

I've never really overcome it. I take comfort in knowing that God knows it's an unresolved childhood issue. I offer up the pain of that in reparation for my sins.

God Bless you. I sure know how it feels.

Lisa said...

Gosh, if you completely figure this one out, you're a saint! You have to care about other people's feelings, or you lack mercy and consideration, but you have to remember that real mercy and consideration have to come through the eyes of Heaven. Hard to do when others don't see what you see! Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament,as others said, for strength! It's one of those struggles Our Blessed Mother is very good at helping with! Also, the other mother saints who dealt with these same problems in family situations, like St. Elizabeth AnnSeton, St. Elizabeth of Hungary, and St. Monica.

Episcopollyanna said...

Hi Therese - I definitely want my parents' approval. I don't think that will ever change, to be honest. But I also don't feel as if I do a whole lot that lets them down either.

Over the past few years I've learned to pray longer and listen for God's direction rather than jump into things and that has served me well. :)

Therese said...

Today I am going to adoration with my husband. Hopefully this will help me have the right words to say when I have to talk with people about homeschooling.

Anonymous said...

Lovely blog! A few years ago I wrote of my experience of realising that I was trying to please others:

Nice to *meet* you.
Susan <><

Anonymous said...

try the Sedona method... it has me helped release the wanting approval

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